Thursday, May 8, 2008

Prom Night... *Prolonged Sigh*

Ah, "Prom Night". So badly written, so stupid characters, so blatantly incompetent... and yet it continues to make money. How and why are not my issue, to me, it seems that this hastily compiled, rancid, piece of..... anyway, it's bad. If the opening paragraph of this review hasn't forever scared you off already, I shall explain just how not good it is.

Before we get to haw terrible this movie is, apparently a brief plot sypnosis is in order. Guy kills girls family. Later, guy tries to kill girl and all her friends at prom. That's it. Believe me, if the plot was a roller caster of thrills, chills and spills, I would be all to happy to spill my guts about the plot here, and now. No explanation is even given as to why this guy is chasing this chick. Well if you count the phrase "He was obsessed with her" said raspily a couple of times, sure.

Now, the fun; how aggresively and blatantly stupid this movie is. Take for instance: how the pshyco in question escaped the MAXIMUM SECURITY prison: he crawled out an air vent, and ran away. Barring the assumption that noone was guarding the roof, or the prison grounds, or how the guy managed to cover a thousand %$#@ing miles in one day, apparently, the designer of the prison has never seen a james bond movie in his entire life. "Oh, I'll just put large air vents that any person could easily fit through and lead directly onto the roof into all of the murderers cells." That guy was smart.

Okay, we've covered "badly written" and "incompetent." Now, onto the characters themselves. In one instance, the freaked white chick wakes up in her bed. She turns off the TV, currently playing when Harry met Sally or something similar, looks out the window and checks that the cop guarding her house is still there. Then, she heads into the bathroom to take her meds, closes the medicine cabinet, and suprise! Psyco killer (kisk-ke-say?) is there, who promptly and efficiently smashes her head into the mirror. She wakes up again! It was all a dream. Then, in what must have been the worst plan since Abraham Lincoln said "I'm bored, I think I'll go take in a night at the theater", she turns off the TV set to the EXACT SAME PROGRAM IT WAS ON IN HER DREAM, checks to make sure that the SAME COP IN HER DREAM is outside, goes and takes her meds EXACTLY %&*$ING LIKE HOW SHE DID IN HER DREAM, and suh-PRISE! GUESS WHAT HAPPENS!?

This movie made me ill. Not slightly-vomity ill, but facing-potentially-lethal-fits-of-gastro-intestinal-unhappiness-the-pain-OH-HOLY-GOD-THE-PAIN!!! ill. My bet is, unless you enjoy watching everything you hold dear to you effortlessly slain in one single ninety minute period, go right ahead. Sarcastyx signing off.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

The Forbidden Kingdom

"The Forbidden Kingdom" Is a very strange movie, starring Jackie Chan and Jet Li, and some white kid whos name has slipped my mind. It's entertaining, ertainly, but don't go expecting a level of dialouge to rival King Lear. The basic plot is, the white guy mentioned above finds a staff in an old man's chinese pawn shop. He is beaten up by some inner-city "Grease rejects" and forced to rob the old man. The old man is shot, and his last words are for the white kid to give the staff back to the owner.

Then, he like...falls through the ground... and there's this... monkey guy and a girl
Eh, it's not like it matters. "The Forbidden Kingdom" is a ver "Is what it is" movie, which, quite frankly, chucks plot out the window the second you see Jackie beating the crap out of a soldier- on a horse. The movie carries on, and Jet li as a monk shows up. In one of the highlights of the film, Jackie and Jet (Alliterations are fun) beat the $#%@ out of one another, as only they can. It culminates in a special-effects heavy final battle between evil-bearded-dude and the monkey guy. You'll be fairly bored during the sequences when someone isn't kicking another person, but, thankfully, thats about six-and-a-half minutes out of the two hour movie.

"Forbidden Kingdom" Is certainly worth watching if you like action, or if you like the coming of age story of a badly portrayed white guy. I'm betting it's the former.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Prey by Lurlene McDaniel

Ok so I just finished this book called Prey. Its about this boy named Ryan and his relationship with a young teacher. Throughout the book you jump from the prespective of Ryan, Lori Settles (the teacher) and Honey (Ryans best friend). When Ryan starts seeing Lori, problems start with his friends, and grades drop. plus hes got this prying dad who travels all the time. it was a good book, and i would recomend it to anyone over 13 :]

ps: this is my 1st book review so bear with me. YaY

Friday, May 2, 2008

Unwind by Neal Shusterman

The Second Civil War, also known as "The Heartland War," was a long and bloody conflict fought over a single issue. To end the war, a set of constitutional amendments known as "The Bill of Life" was passed. It satisfied both the Pro-Life and the Pro-Choice armies. The Bill of Life states that human life may not be touched from the moment of conception until a child reaches the age of thirteen. however, between the ages of 13 and 18, a parent my choose to retroactively "abort" a child.... on the condition that the children's life doesn't "technically" end. The process by which a child is both terminated and yet kept alive is called "unwinding".

Follow the paths of three very different teenagers scheduled for unwinding as they make a desperate journey across American in an attempt to stay in one piece until their 18th birthdays. This book is exciting. It is thought provoking. It is a story about kids being used by a society hungry for body parts for quick and easy medical replacements and makes you question not just where life begins, but where it ends (if every part of you is exisiting "alive" in someone else, what has happened to your soul?) Read this book if you liked the "Pretties" trilogy or "The House of the Scorpion" by Nancy Farmer, or if you are just looking for an exciting read that also gives you something to think about.